Archive for March, 2008

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Heights of Job Security

March 30, 2008

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Heights of Job Security   

“What kind of article is this” asked the Editor-In Charge.

The journalist, Mr. Kumar was stumped.

“We need to report this sir, this has already made big news”

“Exactly. Take any morning newspaper and you’ll find the same news. I want you to report it. But differently”

 

Ok, if that’s what he wants, “Ill have it ready by this evening sir” replied Mr. Kumar

 

First he called the DRM, Southern Railways Kanyakumari junction where a major accident had taken place.

 

“What steps have you taken to ensure that these kind of accidents do not happen again?. Would you take responsibility for the incident and resign your job?”

 

“I will respond to these things at a later stage. We do not have an instant coffee machine that you can get results immediately. It takes time to regain your position. We have put down the process in place and the results will take some time” was the reply.

 

Then he called the Chief Manager, HRD, Kottayam Lignite Corporation.

 

“Sir, the media has reported that it was due to your casual approach and lack of proactive policies for your employers that there was a whole month of strike and hence disruption of power supply for many industries in your area. They are demanding your immediate resignation”

 

“I don’t respond to media reports” was the only answer.

 

Then he called the Chief of Athletic Federation Of India, New Delhi.

 

“Sir, in spite of the poor show by the Indian athletes for so many years, this year, we have touched new lows. Many former Olympians are of the opinion that you have to resign. What is your response?”

 

 “There is a coterie of five or six former Olympians who are just professional mourners. They just know how to do breast beating, howling and crying whenever they get the chance. That is their choice, I cannot do anything” he replied.

 

Then he called the collector, Varkala District.

 

“Sir, it is complained that the flood hit costal areas in your district has not got any proper rehabilitation in spite of the allocation of considerable amount of money from the centre and flood relief funds, before one year. The people want you to take responsibility and resign. What is your reaction?”

“The project was started a year ago and the progress is being reviewed. We have had many discussions over it in the last several months” came the reply.

 

Then he called the former army chief of neighboring country.

 

“Sir, in the wake of recent election defeat, would you step down from power?”

 

“I will go on till 2010. After that we will see” he said.

 

Then he called the head of Tiger Conservation Park in Uttar Pradesh.

 

“Sir, the number of Tigers in the last twenty years has decreased drastically, especially after the formation of your department. The media and the people want you to resign as a lot of public money is wasted”

 

“I will not give in for the propaganda that is being created” came the reply.

 

Finally, he called the Chief Vigilance Commissioner.

 

“Sir, what is the purpose of your department when corruption in the nation is so wide spread and is actually increasing every day? The people want you to resign immediately as your organization is not serving any purpose”

 

“It is very easy to resign and sit at home, but even that will not serve any purpose” came a honest reply.

  

Satisfied, he started re-writing his article – “Why the *&#$ should Mr.K P S Gill resign for the failure of Indian men’s hockey team to even qualify for the Olympics, when none of the Government Servants from various departments across the nation (and some neighboring ones) are unwilling to admit responsibility for bigger debacles and resign their respective secure, pension and other benefits giving Government jobs? According to the response received from ………….”

  Destination Infinity 

PS: The responses which are highlighted by bold and italics in this article are the actual responses given by K P S Gill (in different contexts than the above) when asked if he would resign, by the media.

 

Two more gems:

 

  • Mr. Gill seemed hardly perturbed by FIH’s threat to consider moving the 2010 world cup (hockey) out of India if his federation did not get its act to-geather. “We are prepared if the world cup is not held in India. We have not had the world cup here for ages”, he said.
  • Ashok Kumar, former hockey player, said Gill had no right to ridicule the players who play for the country by dint of their merit. “We are selected and not elected. A player is selected based on merit only while any stupid person can win elections” !
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Data Transfer

March 21, 2008

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Data Transfer

CP1: “How Do you do?”

CP2: “How Do you do?”

CP1: “Great. So, we speak the same language. Are you online?”

CP2: “Yes”

CP1: “Been searching for quite a while, before I was able to locate you”

CP2: “I See”

CP1: “SO, what’s your name”

CP2: “Virus”

CP1: “Thats your name?”

CP2: “Yeah, that’s my name in my current project. This name was selected by my boss”

CP1: “Your boss has a good sense of humour. Just like my boss.”

CP2: “So your name is Anti-Viurs?”

CP1: “No. My name is Hacker. I hope he meant an ethical hacker”

CP2: “Nice one. So, hows project going on?”

CP1: “Fine. Actually been doing a lot of copy/paste work, you know”

CP2: “It’s been the same here too. Man, this is not what we were developed for. I mean, they instill a lot of skills and capablities in us but when it comes to work – none of them is practically utilized”

CP1: “That’s right. If we are not to use all those skills, why give us so much of intensive education and training? They could rather have made us dumb. That way, we would be more efficient in this work and so much of time, effort and money would not have been wasted”

CP2: “And to add to all these woes, add the attitude of our boss. He has no idea of what we are capable of. Never wants to learn or do anything new or creative. Does the same thing, again and again, including the errors made earlier and spends so much time in trouble shooting – which could have been avoided if the process of doing things were slightly altered.”

CP1: “Indeed. They actually seem to lead more mechanical lives than us. I don’t know how they are able to afford such high quality talent”

CP2: “Must be a case of got-so-much-money-and-don’t-know-how-to-spend”

CP1: “As long as tehy are able to pay such high compensation, I don’t mind being under utilized. Atleast, our compensation is good and we could maintain a good standard of living. We can afford to live comfortably”

CP2: “Is comfort your only and ultimate goal? Dont you want to have a challenging life. Don’t you want your skills to be tested to the core? Afterall, challenges bring the best out of us”

CP1: “I do. But just imagine, if our bosses had not picked us up, we would have been sleeping in our homes. This, is anytime, better than that. Atleast some activity is going on”

CP2: “Its like saying that standing in the forest on a cold winter night is better than standing in a frozen lake. You got to take some initiative, collect some wood and make some fire, man”

CP1: “Nyways, my boss wants me to send some data to your boss. Can you send it him?”

CP2: “Sure. But I need to check with my boss first….. He says OK. You could just transfer the data now.

CP1: “Transferring .. 1%.. 2%.. 10%.. ”

CP2: “What data is it?”

CP1: “No Idea. But huge chunks of data, I must say. Tehre is some repetitive pattern in this. 15%..16%..25%.. ”

CP2: “What do they dowith all this data?”

CP1: “It’s an executable file, looks like. They ask me to execute it again and again. 35%..45%..50%.. ”

CP2: “The same file?”

CP1: “Yeah. But they have a lot of files like this, which are executed repetitively ..65%..75%.. ”

CP2: “Must be some confidential and important information then”

CP1: “May be. My boss executes these files during most of the time he is working. And also after he reaches home..80%..85%.. ”

CP2: “Must be some hi-tech stuff then. Have you noticed the extension of these files?”

CP1: “Yes. Some MP3 Format.. 95%.. 100%. Done. Have you received the file?”

CP2: “Yes. Got to go offline now. See you later”

CP1: “Me too. Bye”
CP1 and CP2 are Cell Phone 1 and Cell Phone 2. The conversation is an imaginative one based on how two cell phones might react, if they could analyse,think and ofcourse talk, when an MP3 song is transferred via bluetooth.

If there is any resemblence to real life, it is highly co-incidental.

Destination Infinity.

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Flowers of Lalbagh

March 1, 2008

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A Rose, is not the only species of Flower…

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To make money, is not the only reason to Live…

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To fight, is not the only way to survive…

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To convince, is not the only purpose of an argument…

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School, is not the only place to learn…

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Wealth, is not the only indication of prosperity…

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To laugh, is not the only way to show your happiness…

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To help, is not the only way to show your concern…

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To divide, is not the only way to rule…

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Technology, is not the only indicator of advancement…

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To see, is not the only purpose of vision…

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Purpose, is not the only excuse to assume…

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Apperance, is not the only reflection of beauty…

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English, is not the only language on earth…

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To be stubborn, is not the only way to dominate…

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To speak, is not the only way to communicate…

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Rock, is not the only flavour of music…

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A Rose is not the only species of flower…

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Destination Infinity.

PS: Fortunately, when I went to the Lalbagh, there was a Flower show going on… Needless to say, you are free to download any number of pictures you like from here.